spring 04.

I keep wanting to write about last semester. I think it's time. last semester, last semester *bubbles float up the screen*

So, basically last semester sucked ass. I was unmotivated and sick of school. I hated my classes. I had 13 hours but did vitually no work for any of them. It started off, I had 16 hours, I was pretty satisfied with them. I was in my JINS class and looking forward to it, Topology was going to be a blast. I had a good professor for stats, russian would be hard, but I'd survive and ... well, I had to take public speaking sometime, right?

Halfway into the semester I dropped JINS. I knew it was kinda stupid, because I'd lost my Junior status, and registering for JINS as a senior is stupid. But, we had a rough draft of a paper due on Friday and it was the next Tuesday, I had an extention, but nothing done. I also had no intention of doing it. DROP! Then there was Topology. I was so looking forward to this class, and then the professor... Well, what can I say? He was awful, horrible, bad. The guy just needs to go ahead and retire. He's NOT a good professor. I don't care how much he knows about topology. He's very knowledgeable about it, actually did his doctoral disertaion in topology, but knowledgeable does not equal being a good professor. It was abotu this time (midterm) that we had our first test. Yeah, midterm and also there was no collected homework. No collected homework means that I did no homework. I would try, but then I'd get frustrated and then I just wouldn't do it, because there was no immediate reason to. So, on that first test, I get a 57. but hey, the high score is 80 and the low score is 35 or something. So, it's a B. The only class I did regular work for was Russian and that was because we had daily collected homework.

Anyway, enough about school. I completely pulled away from all of my friends this last semester. I hid behind my computer and could have gone days without talking to anybody and not even notice it. During the last month of classes, I wanted to go to the university cousiling services, because I thought that I might be depressed, but, I was scared to go. "i'm probably not, i'm just being lazy, extremely lazy" i held the phone and number in my hand an entire afternoon, but i could never make the call.

The semester's over and I survived. My gpa is questionable. and i'm left to wonder

which is worse, to be depressed and know it or to not know and just wonder?

unfortuantly, i think i know the answer, but then again i'm not sure.