how do you do it?

I see people here
they walk down the sidewalk
like nothing's wrong.
They're busy with classes
and friends
yet they still manage.

I look at me
and i'm a wreck.
I walk down the sidewalk
and you can tell i'm not right.
People ask me if i'm okay
they tell me i need to take time for myself.

they don't see
they don't see that stack of work on my floor
they don't see
the puskin paragraph
the krokodil workbook story
the polar bear and little girl questions
the algebra problems
the calculus test
the the republic books II-IIV questions
the post-writing outline
the peer analysis
the my antonia reading
assignments

i'm so screwed.
how did this happen?
i've been needing a four day weekend
for three weeks now
instead i get a three day weekend now
but it's not enough

how can i take time for myself?
i can't
but i still manage to put it off.
put it off
and put it off.
until i can't function.
i can't function.

so i feel inadiquate.
people have real problems
i just have school
i'm lucky to have school
and i can't handle it
other people have money issues
i don't.
they're chugging right along
why can't i?

why do i procrastinate
to the point where
when i try to work
i'm so overcome that
that i just can't push the pencil across the page
i can't get it out.
i'm weak

it makes me so mad
mad at myself
i'm incompetent.
i'm stupid
i'll never make it through.

math: math so isn't for you
philosophy? you think you're a philosopher now?
you'll never get out of pistis.
are you even there yet?
the higher level of mathematics and philosophy
are out of your reach
give up now.
because you'll only have disappointment ahead

so, my roommate suggests going to usc.
i know she's right.
but that still doesn't dismiss the fact
that i don't have time.
i don't have time.
how do you have time?