1.31.2005

yuck! i'm tired and unable to read descartes, even though i really need to. silly cartesian philosophy... and i just don't get how to think about things philosophically. most of this just doesn't interest me in any way. i just don't care that descartes can't trust our senses...

it probably doesn't help that i didn't sleep well last night.

picked up the application for study abroad today, which goes well with my passport application. two steps closer to morocco in the summer.

i think i need to do some major talking to professors this semester.

i've seen two more math professors at the rec center this semester. which brings the total number of professors seen either at the rec or just out running to 13. (i haven't had all of them, but still)

1.28.2005

friday!!!

So, i think the thing from earlier this week is taken care of. Apparently it was a former grimmie (which makes me happy, because i really didn't want it to be a current one, i love them all) who was doing crap while high. so, yeah, people are stupid.

speaking of stupid people, my roommate locked me out. um, i'm calling myself stupid because i didn't bring my key, not my roommate stupid because she did it. even more so, i'm even stupider because i don't want to knock on our suitemate's door to let me in, because i think i've already don't that once this week.

speaking of week, this has been one crap-tastic week. i've been a HORRIBLE studen. absolutely horrible. We had a quiz yesterday in islam and it went bad. today in ode's we had a quiz and i was like "oh holy crap, i don't know how to separate those variables. please, please, please don't let that be a partial fractions integral!" but then i figured out what i was supposed to do, and he gave us the solution as we turned it in. i was out in the hall doing the "100% happy dance" when all of a sudden i didn't remeber whether i put -1 or +1 at the end, and i had to stop the *100% happy dance* and it was sad times. sad times indeed.

speaking of... no wait. not sad times, but happy times, I have found some splendid free music on line. when i get back to my computer, i might post some links but i don't have them right now.
poka!

1.26.2005

what a ... half week.

Monday night, I went up to my room to find a nice little comment about my (and my roommate's) political ideologies, namely "Fuck Bush" was written in our own orange marker on our message board. I can only guess that it was spurned by a comment my roommate made about the ACLU. I was kinda pissed off about it, but I couldn't do anything about it now and figured, "people are stupid" and it isn't worth my time worrying about it now. Isn't it a little ironic that liberal/democrats type-cast republicans as closeminded and intolerant?

That same night, I didn't get much sleep. On Tuesday I had some free time between classes and sat down to be an Internet Sneek Ninja. While I didn't find the info I wanted, I did (re)run across The Mathematics Genealogy Project which I found, "back in the day" when I knew I was going to become a mathematics professor. I have since stopped knowing that in order to persue other goals, and also because I learned that I really suck at math. But... but, but... I miss it. I miss feeling confident that I was doing the right thing; that I could become a math professor, not only that I could, but that I would be a good one. And then, and then... Truman happened, I suppose. And I learned the harsh truth. I'm not good at it, in fact, I have little to no skill which totally drops of any desire. And thus, my Tuesday sucked.

And today, there it was again. "Fuck Bush"

So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is, it's been a long half-week and I'm trying to learn to forgive, both an anonymus threat and my own.

1.20.2005

nd= Napolean Dynamite.

i have declared this the semester of fake pants! no more real pants for me, only the lounging kind are acceptable.

also, i went to the rec center (at a really bad time, mind you 3:30 never again) and did the bike because there were no ellipticals for 25 min and also situps. dag, yo. afterwards, i decided not to take a shower because i had earlier that morning and didn't feel like it again.

also, does anyone actually remember integrating by parts, or trig subsitutions or partial fractions? because apparently i need to for differential equations.

i found out that a guy in my cs class lives in my dorm. *sweet -- nd style*
along those lines, i think there are two girls that look very familiar that i'm confusing. one was in my ancient philosophy class last semester and one went to maa meetings. and i think the one that was in maa is in my cs class and i asked her what her major was. and even though that was last wednesday, i still feel really stupid when i think about it.

1.19.2005

two days.

apparently, i've survived my first two days of class, which involved changing two courses and missing one of the meetings. a brief rundown:

pre-classes, still concerned about what classes i'm going to change and how. also, freezing because i left my coat at home and anxiously watching the mailbox because my iBook sitting in the office, just waiting for the guy to fill out the card.
1. 12:00 t/r modern philsophy. "ah! debbie" & "what the hell is that guy's name? you know, in ancient with us, lives across the hall from me, talks a lot, blonde hair" dominate the preclass discussion. The professor comes in and precedes to set up his PowerBook, which only reminds me of my precious computer being willfully ignored by the hall desk worker. FedEx said it was delievered, where the hell is it, hall-desk-worker-boy! Class starts, and you want me to tell you what my interest in modern philosophy is? haha! i don't even know what it is! i'm a displaced mathematics and religion major who is forced to take philosohpy courses. why don't you tell me why i should be interested in it, professor-man! debbie comments: wow, there aren't many girls in here. i reply: wtf, i totally see like five girls, that's pretty good! five out of twenty-three. much better ratio that 1/7 (topology) or 2/12 or so (algebra) or 0/6 (algebra II) dr. mohler takes forever to go over the syllabus, very enthusiasitcally. and then requests that we take off our own shoes and touch another random person's. whatever.
10 minute intrim spent speedwalking across campus to
2. 1:30 t/r Islam. I must say, I am super-excited about this class. It's gonna be hella lot of work, but also very interesting, aside from some of the boring parts. first things first, this is one freakin' HUGE class. 30+ people. (again, the math classes). the standard syllabus review -- a moment of "oh holy crap" -- we're reading the koran in weeks 5-8. appold is talking about watching a dvd at the end of class, "kinda cool that the old guy is so technology-savvy." dissapointment ensues after his blatant un-technological-savvyness. this class is going to have so much WORK.

sprint towards home, for the warmpth and comp-pu-TOR! no orange slip in my mailbox. "harassment" of the halldeskworker ladies. and ten minutes later, COMPUTOR! general setup, update & music/picture loading. neither of which is finished.

day II (more boring day)
8:30 CS180. will probably be my most easiest class for the semester. MEMORY! RAM! 2^(whatever).
10:30 ordinary differential equations. the math class with the professor of indesipherable ethnicity who is requiring us to write a paper. whatever. however, on the girl:boy ratio, check this: 2:15. most of which have some kind of physics doing. and i'm expected to remember calc II. you know, the calculus i took first semester at the academy, so 3 years ago.
11:30. russki kak russki.

and i'm DONE! reading for islam spots the rest of the day, as does more loading of the music onto the iBook. So Pretty!

*looking forward*

1.17.2005

at home.

shaun of the dead -crazy & funny and gross at times.

spiderman 2: now playing in the room

one of my eight books were used. six were for one class.

i think there was an attempt to deliver my computer today, but i didn't answer the phone.

1.15.2005

(sunday morning)

packing up. ugh. see you sunday evening.

1.14.2005

3 things.

bad news. bob's not going to africa. (via religion news blog)

also: i drink tea now.

also: i have to clean. ick.

1.12.2005

bob marley!

Bob's going to Africa! (i saw it on msn first, but i like cnn more, even though it's word-for-word the same -- thanks roommate!)

1.07.2005

CAFFEINE!!1!

1.02.2005

so, uh....

CAFFEINE WITDRAWL!!1!

1.01.2005

reflections and resolutions.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? got a D.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any. It was a general principle of mine not to make resolutions. one i think i'm breaking this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my brother, although we aren't particularly close.
4. Did anyone close to you die? no
5. What places did you visit? kansas city and kirksville and home. i think that's it.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? motivation and caring.
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? i don't think there will be one, nothing spectacluar happened this year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? living in grim? having a summer job?
9. What was your biggest failure? school. most definatly.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no. i hurt my foot i suppose, but nothing terrible. allergies, as usual.
11. What was the best thing you bought? that multicolored yarn.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? kelbe. yay for progress charts.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? my own. is it legal to say that? i am totally unmotivated and didn't work nearly as much as i should have.
14. Where did most of your money go? into the bank.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? moving into grim. and the idea of going to the middle east over the summer. morocco's close enough. yay arabic.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? not sure. maybe sawasdee jao by lanna commins?
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. Happier or sadder? sadder.
II. Thinner or fatter? fatter
III. Richer or poorer? about the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? study, spend more time with friends. talk to people more.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? stressing out. hating math. self-loathing.
20. How did you spend Christmas? at home, with my parents and siblings and siblings spouses. a couple of nephews running around.
21. Did you fall in love in 2004? of sorts. but then again, i always/only fall for men that i can't have for some reason.
22. How many one-night stands?zero.
23. What was your favorite TV program? alias. this year, i'm gonna catch it on television.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no, i'm indifferent to people that i liked before, but that's from a general drifting away.
25. What was the best book you read? i hate reading. but that being said, Kalil Gibran rocks my face.
26. What were your greatest musical discoveries? guster. death cab for cutie. the postal service.
27. What did you want and get? nice yarn. more pants.
28. What did you want and not get? an apple computer, a digital camera.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? osama, also 13 going on 30 and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i didn't do anything, despite the fact that i turned 21 and it was a friday.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? better grades because of better understanding. i'm stuck in a rut and don't know how i'm going to get out with this math stuff.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? jeans and a hoodie.
33. What kept you sane? roommates, hallmates. my philosophy professor. cutting pictures out of the new york times. even then, i'm not sure i was the whole time.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? fancy? i don't know i *heart* jennifer garner but not in the "fancy" kind of way.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? the war in iraq. i know it's cliche, but still.
36. Who did you miss? roommate amelia, and now, giacomo
37. Who were the best new people you met? giacomo and rosie and lizzy and russ and sally and matt and ebube and steve-bob and i think i'm going to list all of grim hall right now. and debbie, from philosophy class.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. hm... being a good person and taking care of my soul is an all-encompassing thing.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"i hate your fucking guts
i hate your fucking guts
i hate your fucking guts"
~the queers

and
Ba ba, ba ba, this is the sound of settling
Ba ba, ba ba, this is the sound of settling
Ba ba, ba ba, this is the sound of settling

from: http://www.livejournal.com/~_veralynn_/


i don't generally make resolutions, as i said before. however, this year was a special case and next year... well, next year can't be another this year because i won't make it. so, my resolutions are as follows.

1. i'm giving up the juice. all caffinated/carbonated beverages. mainly for caloric reasons. also, i tend to drink them late at night and then i'm stressed and hyped up on caffeine and i can't get to sleep. too many "thoughts" running through my brain.

2. i will run as often as possible. meaning between 3-7 times a week. it makes me feel good physically and emotionally and it reduces stress. and we all need to feel better physically and emotionally and to reduce stress. don't you think?

3. i will study more. meaning at least two hours every day.

4. i will read at least one non-required book per month. i know i hate reading, but it is good for me, and i believe it is essential to becoming a good person, in taking care of my soul.

5. i will talk to UCS. because my psyche is worth it.

i may come up with more, but this is good for now, i believe.