10.28.2004

i'm shiny & new.

my room is clean, my clothes are being cleaned and i'm getting ready to take a shower. if only i had done some russian tonight i would feel complete. the little children came over and took our candy, but apparently not enough because we still have piles of it in a bowl. or maybe we have a bowlfull of it in our room? yeah. lets go with the latter.

10.25.2004

stinky, stinky, take a bath...

lots of math going on here. lots of math. took a break at 6 for the first meeting of the american sign language enthusiasts. silly name. there were 6 of us there. it was a fun time, reviewd the alphabet and numbers (well, review for me) and talked a bit about hearing impared vs deaf vs Deaf, and from what i've collected, the people in Sound and Fury were Deaf. I think i'll have to watch that now. Hillel is having a Hebrew Marathon this saturday. Learn to read Hebrew from 10 am to 5 pm. i'm excited! yay new alphabets.

10.24.2004

weekend

i'm paralyzed with fear, working does not seem to be an option.

this was homecoming week, and we kicked northwest's ass! Some people would argue that this is not true, because technically they won the game, but let me elaborate... Our football team's record has was 0-8 before this game, with such losses as 70-7 or 46-0, right? I mean, they have been doing very poorly this season. NW on the other hand had an 8-0 record. I mean, like 3rd in the nation (for the size and whatnot) Very good, right? we lost 42-25, in the last 20 seconds. The guy with the ball litterally jumped over a pile of people into the touchdown. It was an amazing game and I'm very proud of our team.

It's been a busy, but unproductive weekend. Habitat for Humanity for a couple of hours saturday morning (i got to use the power screwdriver!), then walmart and the football game and then we rearranged our room and the suitemates came over to watch princess diaries on television, but we were rudely suprized when it wasn't on. so we borrowed toy story II from the library. Today, i haven't done anything and it's been pretty bad. I mean, the guilt & whatnot.

whatever

10.21.2004

so, yay runner. sorry to see you go.
and Paul Hamm gets to keep his gold medal.
and i register next wednesday! (AH!)

10.18.2004

i have a new outlook: i will be happy. i am happy. but, i'm also tired.
out.
~dana

10.17.2004

re: hat.

to see the colors in my yarn, go here http://www.muenchyarns.com/Pages/blkfrstmulti.html and scroll down to #61. varigated... so pretty. it was the green that sold me. and the twisty stripes. oh, so soft & pretty. although, i think i'm staying away from imported yarns for a long long time.

10.16.2004

hat

So, today, i bought a $42 hat, that i have to assemble myself. what was i thinking? oh yeah, i was thinking that it will be one hella cool hat.

10.14.2004

home

so, i'm home and on the way here, i listened to way too much the postal service. oh, they're so good. I think i'm gonna have to tell my philosophy prof about their song "we become silhouettes" because it just has so much in common with plato's divided line, eikasia... and, it's just beautiful.

10.13.2004

how do you do it?

I see people here
they walk down the sidewalk
like nothing's wrong.
They're busy with classes
and friends
yet they still manage.

I look at me
and i'm a wreck.
I walk down the sidewalk
and you can tell i'm not right.
People ask me if i'm okay
they tell me i need to take time for myself.

they don't see
they don't see that stack of work on my floor
they don't see
the puskin paragraph
the krokodil workbook story
the polar bear and little girl questions
the algebra problems
the calculus test
the the republic books II-IIV questions
the post-writing outline
the peer analysis
the my antonia reading
assignments

i'm so screwed.
how did this happen?
i've been needing a four day weekend
for three weeks now
instead i get a three day weekend now
but it's not enough

how can i take time for myself?
i can't
but i still manage to put it off.
put it off
and put it off.
until i can't function.
i can't function.

so i feel inadiquate.
people have real problems
i just have school
i'm lucky to have school
and i can't handle it
other people have money issues
i don't.
they're chugging right along
why can't i?

why do i procrastinate
to the point where
when i try to work
i'm so overcome that
that i just can't push the pencil across the page
i can't get it out.
i'm weak

it makes me so mad
mad at myself
i'm incompetent.
i'm stupid
i'll never make it through.

math: math so isn't for you
philosophy? you think you're a philosopher now?
you'll never get out of pistis.
are you even there yet?
the higher level of mathematics and philosophy
are out of your reach
give up now.
because you'll only have disappointment ahead

so, my roommate suggests going to usc.
i know she's right.
but that still doesn't dismiss the fact
that i don't have time.
i don't have time.
how do you have time?

10.11.2004

i have a story about michelle.

last night, while i was procrastinating on writing my paper in the lounge, Abigail came downstairs and there was another boy sitting in the lounge as well. They were kind of talking, and Abigail's was talking about her roommate from freshman year. Her name was Michelle. It turns out that Michelle left Truman after two years becuase she hated it here. Also, Michelle and this boy were from the same town. He asked Abigail "did she have a brother named (i don't remember)?" Abigail was like "yes. yes, she did." and so, she said that she went to a small school in St. Louis, to which he asked "SLU?" "No, no it was a small program with a communications program" and i'm like "WOAH NOW! Was this, by chance Fontbonne?" "yeah" "Holy Crap! I know who you're talking about! She's a friend of my friend!" and it was strange walt-disney "small world" goodness/weirdness.

10.08.2004

mmmm in need of sleep. needing to read more socrates. so much plato. also, cleaning, rearanging and not being irritated by the suitemates. i miss my roommate. i mean, i love this roommate, but i miss MY roommate. i was planning on going to a concert on wednesday. instead, i "did homework" without actually doing much homework.

i had a russian test today. the first girl gets done in about 25 minutes. at 50 minutes, one guy and i are left. he decides to be done. I'm still staring at the page: do 8 of 12. i have three done, i know one is wrong. i stare at it for another ten minutes outside of the prof's office. attepmt to turn it in then. she goes over the page with me a bit and lets me take it back. i stare/work on it for another ten minutes maybe. Six are done, pretty sure two are wrong. turn it in like that. so bad. so bad.

i really need to learn how to suck it up because this constant desire to cry really sucks. it's not right. i'm stronger than that. i can handle myself better than that. i don't need special favors by tears. give me favors because i can plead my case or because you like me, not because you pity my tears.

i don't know what i'm saying except i have stress. Evan tries to tell me to do fun stuff, but i just can't seem to because, even though i do procrastinate, i really just can't sit back and enjoy it because i know i should be doing russian. or algebra. or calculus or reading fucking Plato. so it goes.

10.05.2004

"everyting gonna be a-right"

(gotta love the robert nesta marley)

mmmm hungry. and sleepy. slept through my 7:30 yesterday, can't tomorrow. lots of work to do tonight. russian russian russian! some algebra and philosophy. too much republic to read (books II -IV). and to find a thesis for my topic. i'm starting to wonder about my topic... anyway i should really re-read protagorus and crito along with book I of the republic. not to mention that my computer... my poor poor compter. it's physically falling appart. i swear the screen is trying to jump off the rest of it, so i'm on a school computer untill i can figure out what to do about it. i might just have to wait until the 15th when i go back home. sad, sad times. and i wasn't even mean to it! *sigh* life is looking up though. i'm busy as "all get out" but yeah. i believe i can do it right now.

my friends here have told me that if i had a tagline it would be "i should be doing russian" so true. because i always should be. so, i'm off to do that and philosophy and maybe look at some math and rural america.

10.04.2004

last fall i had this saying that really helped me out on occasion. it went like this: "linear algebra cannot inflict physical damage upon my body." this semester, i don't even have that, because i believe that my classes actually can inflict all kinds of damage.

so, in the past three days, i've had at least three people tell me they were worried about me in some way. a professor, the current roommate and a math guy.

i don't have time for fun. i don't have time for this.

i'm getting closer every day to hating myself.

10.01.2004

my suitemates, or what i really want for my birthday...

okay, so it's move-in day. and i was wondering about the whole who was bringing the shower curtian issue, but no big deal, because hey, they put one up. so that's something we don't have to worry about. then, i moved the shower curtain back and looked in. guess what i saw. there's a floor mat, which i'm not really thrilled about, because i don't want to stand on that. yuck but the big thing was this ... stool in there. like to sit on or shave your legs on or something. takes up like the entire shower. i was like "is one of them handicapped or something?" but no, neither of them are. showing other people, all of them asked "is she handicapped?" still, no. and it's really irritating because i have to take them out of the shower everytime i take a shower, because i don't want it in there. which is totally counterintuitive, ya know? people should be putting extra things in when they take a shower, not taking things out. and then, they don't change the roll of toilet paper when they use the last of it. and i'm like "WTF, mate" why can't you change your toilet paper? and so since hillary and i didn't really need or like the stool, were just leaving it out of the shower, but we got a note on the wall: "please put the stool back in the shower when you're done because i keep tripping over it when i go to the bathroom" and i'm like "please keep your stool out of the shower, because i keep tripping over it when i want to take a shower!" not really though, because i just thought of that. it is a great response though. and most recently they changed the shower curtian attacher-to-the-rod thingies. before they were metal and could slide around on the bar, now they're plastic and smaller and don't move around. which makes taking the stool and mat out even more irritating. grr. that's all. other than that, they're really nice girls. except for the fact that they like to have boys over a lot. which is kind of disturibing if they don't lock the door...

mmm friday

the other day i was reading plato, and there was a reference to beef. it made me happy, but probably would have even more if it wasn't like two am. i made it through this week (which was basically stressed-out hell. and i procrastinated last night. i'm going to have to work my butt off tomorrow, but i think that tonight will be spiderman 2 and tomorrow will be "supersize me" which i've really wanted to see. so yay.