random entry.

overnight dikes. that's what you get when you have a natural tendancy to invert letters, numbers and well, lines of text while looking through your spam. at least it wasn't russian...

A few days ago, i lost all my favorites in Mozilla. I have no idea why. Most of them were left over in IE, but some, i'm afraid are gone forever. Very sad. But yet, i can't help but think that if i can't remember them, i probably didn't look at them all that much so it shouldn't be a big deal, right? yet still, there is a sense of loss.

oh, i'm reading "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. You should read it as well.

i've been thinking about putting up my sidebar links. But I'm too lazy to right now.

heh. russia, the tourist trap. heh. would that be Moskva ili Leningrad?

hey, intersting fact that i just figured out like last week: Persia is now Iran. This is helpful to me, because I used to hear Persia and i internally was like "where the fuck is that?" but now my geography mind has been broadened. yay.

i leave you with some gibberish.
شلاؤيثبلاهتنمةىخحضقسفعرصءغئ
yay gibberish!

3DTinaB

in the words of Earnest Hemmingway, "Buy a lot of RAM"

just so everyone knows.

i *heart* skillet.

something new... something new...

i'm sorry, there's nothing new under the sun.

oh. i found "rollout" by ludacris on my computer last night. that's pretty cool. it took me back to first semester at (insert school name here) yay for my first long-term exposure to cable and mtv.

~dana.

daydreaming and alias.

i thought i was going to be late to work today, so i drove really fast, for me at least. well, ended up being early, so i spent that time sitting in the truck and daydreaming. for about 4 minutes i sat there and imagined running away. going anywhere, spending a summer in morocco, texas, chicago, canada. and then i dutifully went in to work.

math, the summer devil

i had something i was going to say, not really important, but maybe humorous, and now i can't think of it. all i can think of is how much i hate summer. i hate the way it makes me doubt myself. it's like without some type of constant feedback saying "you don't suck" i am unable to create the feedback myself. all i can think about is how i'm ugly, and fat and how there is no way i will be able to survive next semester, how i'm retarded for continuing russian because there's no way i can remeber all these fucking verbs, nevertheless how to conjugate them, and then there's the adjectives and nouns and pronouns and have i begun to mention the whole fucking case system?!? how i'll never be able to write those papers for my philosophy class, no matter how short they are or how well i know what i'm talking about. how i'm stupid for thinking i can have a second major in philosphy and religion, i've never even had a philosophy class before. what the fuck was i thinking? how will i force myself to get out of bed for 7:30 jogging? and why did i set my schedule so i have five hours of class on t/r? but what scares me most, the fear that comes back, every summer without fail, is how can i call myself a mathematics major? I honestly think that i am not any good at math. I have this fear that I won't be able to do the work. Even after I've gotten an A in my math class in the spring semester, the feeling gets to me, a feeling of complete inadequacy that nags at me until i don't know how to cope. at these times, i just know that even if i make it through college, i will never be able to call myself a mathematician, i will never be good enough.

second floor whores.

i have a dream of falling in love. i think everyone has it. i just want to be able to come home, to my husband. and we would love each other.

but what if that never happens? i mean, i'm twenty.
i've never had sex
i've never had a boyfriend
i've never gone out on a date
i've not had my first kiss.

is all lost? i don't know if i'm cabable of loving someone. i don't know if i can allow myself to be loved.

i don't know what i want in a man.

well, that's not exactly true, but i want someone who finds me beautiful. i think it's totally likely that no one will ever see me as physically beautiful, maybe not even pretty.

damn, i need some sfw girl time.

mmm pop

Call me crazy, but i do like this song.

Oh yeaa......ah ah ah.......
Is ah big dancehall song in know
Madzart alongside Kevin Little
You know how it is,
You Know how we go
You know

[Verse 1]
For the longest while we jamming in the Party
And you wining in on me
Pushing everything up
Right back on top of me
(tea - hey - ai)

But if you think you're gonna get away from me
You better change your mind
You're going home.......
You're going home with me tonight

[Chorus]
Let me hold you
Girl caress my body

You got me going crazy
You turn me on
Turn me on ......

Let me jam you
Girl wine
All around me
You got me going crazy
You Turn me on
Turn me on ......

[Rap]
The girl ya nah go get way tonite
If she think madd man nah go fight
Me done feed her with popcorn and sprite
Now she whar come fly way like kite

Ooh yea yea
Ooh yea yea
Ooh yea yea yea
Ooh yea yea yea yea yea yea
Yea yea......

[Verse 2]
One hand on the ground and
Bumper cock sky high
Wining hard on me
Got my Python
Hollerin' for mercy - yea hey -ai
Then I whisper in her ear
So wine harder
And then she said to me
Boy just push that thing
Push it harder back on me

[Chorus]
So .. Let me hold you
Girl caress my body

You got me going crazy
You turn me on
Turn me on ......

Let me jam you
Girl wine
All around me
You got me going crazy
You Turn me on
Turn me on ......
Girl just...

[Bridge]
Hug me, hug me
Kiss me, squeeze me,
Hug me, hug me,
Kiss and caress me

Hug me, hug me
Kiss me, squeeze me,
Hug me, hug me,
Kiss and caress me

[rap]
The girl ya nah go get way tonite
If she think madd man nah go fight
Me done feed her with popcorn and sprite
Now she whar come fly way like kite

[Verse 1]
For the longest while we jamming in the Party
And you're wining on me
Pushing everything up
Right back on top of me
(tea - hey - ai)

But if you think you're gonna get away from me
You better change your mind
You're going home.......
You're going home with me tonight

[Chorus]
Let me hold you
Girl caress my body

You got me going crazy
You turn me on
Turn me on ......

Let me jam you
Go wine
All around me
You got me going crazy
You Turn me on
Turn me on ......
Yeah .....eahh ......
Nahnananana .... eahhh ..... yeahhh

[Bridge]
Hug me, hug me
Kiss me, kiss me,
Hug me, hug me,
Kiss and caress me

Hug me, hug me
Squeeze me, squeeze me,
Hug me girl and
Kiss and caress me

Yeah ... Yeah .. Yeah ... eah ...
Ouhhhh ...Yeah ...
~Kevin Little Turn Me On

sexiest vs sexist.

it's been a long night
d - dana, k - kelbe

k: she will look away from us and act like she's totally lost .. then when she turns around and sees we're there, she runs to someone like they rescued her
d: aawww...
d: that's cute though
d: i just read "Which British actor is 'sexiest'?" and read "Which British actor is 'sexest'?" i need to go to bed!
d: so i clicked on it and was severly disapointed to see a picture of orlando bloom
k: i think she hit her head too many times while chasing her tail near the tub
k: whoa
d: because how could he be sexist?
d: and now i'm rambling and i should go to bed. or i should write an emial
k: sexiest you mean?
d: no. like how could he be sexist?
k: i don't know
d: but he's not
d: he's sexiest
k: oh oh oh i see what you mean!!!!
k: i think i need to go to bed too

(article)

decisions...

I'm trying to decide if the last review is mocking the author or if she really is a dumbass, because I have much respect for the former, but the latter I can still laugh at. (yeah, i make mistakes, but i'm okay with ocasionally misspelling "oprah." I can live with that.)

"this book [expletive deleted] its so borrrrring! i have to read it in class and im having trouble gettign past the first couple pages i mean who teh [sic] [expletive deleted] could right [sic] THIS bad... it sounds liek [sic] she was trying to use as many impressive big words as she knew to impress people it didnt run well and u could tell it was written by sum1 in 8th grade. you ask y i dont have a book publsihed? im working on a poetry book that hopefully people will eb [sic] able to at least finish. And i doubt it gets better as i get farther into teh book because nobody ive talked to has sed it was worth the time to read it. Sorry to disappoint u but u ahev NO tallent [sic] wut so ever " (Contributed by courtney) [I assume that last comment was directed at the author of the book? -ak]

reading = no fun

let me just say:

OW!

(the painful version)

okay, bye now.

concetrate!

I can't concetrate. What I was hoping was a depression issue that would go away once I finished last semester at Truman has continued into a complete loss of any concentration. It's harder to notice here, I don't have a constant supply of schoolwork that nags at me, but I do have this short stack of books from the library. Books that interest me, that I desire to read. But I can't pick any of them up to read. I'm scared to open them. I have a pile of stuff over in the corner of my room. I basically dumped it out of the box onto the floor and it hasn't moved since. I've wanted to start a knitting or crochet project since the middle of last semester, but I can't decide and know that as soon as I do, I'll start it then pull it out, so why even bother? I so want to run, but I can't make myself because it's too big a project, I'll never be able to do it, I'll give up before I am able to run to my satisfaction, (again) so, why even bother? I literally watched four episodes of Alias today, I couldn't tell you what they were about, who was in them, what cliff-hanger Sydney was left on.

I have another issue with running... any time i go running, my mom askes questions. how far did you go? and the next day she'll ask me if i went again. Frankly, i'm offended by her questions because i feel like it's none of her buisness. I'll run when I want to run, but i don't even want to start when i know she's going to ask. I suppose i could hide it, but... yeah, i suppose i could.

have you seen the new strongbad?
just click on "cheats" on the gravestone at the end.
and dana needs more quarters on register three.

Shenoah : To the penny.
Me : Nice

Oh, back makes my work hurt. um. reverse the subject and direct object. thanks. My life is absorbed in my work right now, and that's kind of sad, because I work at a grocery store.

mmm, new york

That dream, however, remains incorruptable and it extends beyond Gatsby and his personal life. It exists in a broader sense in the city, in New York itself, and in the East, the harbor that once became the dream of hundreds of thousands of immigrants is now the mecca of Midwesterners, who came to it in search of new life and thrills.
~Azar Nafisi Reading Lolita in Tehran

by county.

the map tells me "pop". That is all.

roommate

So, the roommate and I were IMing tonight and I started going off on Afganisitan and Russian and Language and we talked about it. It was so wonderful. Neither of us really knows enough history or linguistics or anything to know anything to back up what we're saying, but it was okay because we actually got to talk. I get so frustrated at work, because I can't talk about this kind of stuff. Most of my co-workers are too busy talking about their ex-boyfriends being in jail or getting drunk or in fights and no one cares about why Afgani arabic is harsher than Egytian Arabic. So, I hope I didn't bore roommate, because I had a blast.

New site I'm looking at: Peace Corps. As my sn says "i want to do too much"

so many good posts this evening.

To start with, Emily has a post about ocks. I know exactly what she's talking about. well, probably not exactly, but the idea of organizing something (in my case, facing) instead of dealing with people, and the money... yeah. I would enjoy it, if I ever got the chance to do it!

Next comes Jeri. Jeri won't tell us what exactly she's strugging with, but I love her trip to New York. I wish I could go. I wish I wasn't stuck here in afe. I want to run away, but I can't.

Over at One Good Thing, flea recalls a night of drug use. And as I have always been one to live vicariously through other people's drug use, I was pleased to read her tale.

And finally, tequila mockingbird has a story about a friend that made me well up, inside.

I got my bike back, my three speed is forever cursed to be a one-speed. But I rode it for the first time in years, and I think it will be able to satisfy that "need for speed" that I can't get through running. I also bought Alias, the first season from Target. In the second episode, Sydney goes to Moscow, but in the pilot, she goes to Egypt. Hmm... (that's part of my internal "russian vs arabic" for anyone that didn't catch it).

anna karenina

I also have to give a big fuck you ophra. I was going to search for a better translation of Anna Karenina. But now you've gone and screwed that up, haven't you?

burqa

Wow... Just, wow. I watched Osama today. It's about a girl in Afganistan who must dress like a boy to feed her family. Good movie. But I was intruiged by both the language, and dress. The burqa. So I searched for it online and found a couple of articles Veild Threat and The Burqa.

I just think that being forced to wear a veil is not something to be taken as lightly as these women did. Choosing to wear and being forced to are very different. Being forced to wear a burqa is de-womanizing the woman.

I have questions about the difference between the veil, where your face still shows and the burqa, where it doesn't.

I'm also looking at: Middle East Forum

lots of different stuff.

Um, yeah. so my self imposed no internet thing lasted until... um, yesterday afternoon (now technically two-days-ago afternoon). around 5 pm. oops.

Work's work and i still don't like Jackie. however, i got my frist paycheck today. but reading, i'm really enjoying. Kalil Gibran is splendid. Reading Lolita In Tehran is getting better and better.

Russian spam is still being sent to me.

one of my friends just told me
"dana-- you're so cool"
"(and that's serious)"
so, i'm cool now.

and you should go read this now The Cry of the Graves

I have my own pimp now!

I never thought about how companies go about picking out a vending machine

and i leave you with the song that's been stuck in my head all day.

Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone
~Norah Jones Seven Years